Many of you may have seen these convos before. These are obviously fake but very hilarious. If you need a good laugh come read a few of them-

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Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKateK, but don' t tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate:Who are you?

Bloodninja: I' ve got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John' s in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John' s and make an
order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I' d like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, " Hello, this is Papa John' s, how may I help you" , then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that' s an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm...Yes

DirtyKate:So you' re bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I' m home alone... and I think I' ll take a shower...

Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I' ll drive to your house.
**pause**

DirtyKate:I' m almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja:You can' t hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja:I' m on my way now though
**pause**

DirtyKate:So you' re at my front door now.

Bloodninja:How did you know?

Bloodninja:I knock but you can' t hear me cause you' re in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I' m as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate:ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I' m all wet and cold. Warm me
up baby

Bloodninja:So you' re still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I' m wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate:What the f**k?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t

DirtyKate:F**k

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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn' t really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I' m outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can' t see. *****.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don' t see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don' t **** with me biznitch, I' m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don' t ever message me again you piece.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik' s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it' s getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don' t know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i' m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don' t wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it' s just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don' t play games. They ******* charge your ***.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn' t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I' m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:...
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I' m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.



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Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I' m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I' m 6' 3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I' m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We' re in my bedroom.There' s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I' m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I' m gulping, I' m beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I' m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I' m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I' m moaning softly.

Wellhung: I' m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I' m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I' m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I' m sorry.

Sweetheart: That' s OK, it wasn' t really too expensive.

Wellhung: I' ll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don' t worry about it.I' m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I' m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it' s stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I' m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I' m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I' m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I' m dropping the bra. Now I' m licking your, you know, breasts. They' re neat!

Sweetheart: I' m running my fingers through your hair. Now I' m nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I' m so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I' m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I' m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I' m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I' m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I' m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I' m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What' s the matter?

Wellhung: I' ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I' m choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I' m having a coughing fit. I' m turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I' m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I' m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I' m drinking a cup of water. There, that' s better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I' m washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I' m on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I' m drying the cup. Now I' m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I' m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it' s dark, I' m lost. Where' s the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I' m tuggin' off your pants. I' m moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don' t you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can' t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I' m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I' m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it' s dark. I' m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I' m waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I' m done going. I' m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can' t find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What' s the matter now?

Wellhung: I' ve realized that I' ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I' m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I' m going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman' s thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I' m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I' m having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I' m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can' t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I' m flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I' m limp. I can' t sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I' m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I' m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I' m going to get my glasses and see what' s wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I' m getting dressed. I' m putting on my underwear. Now I' m putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I' m squinting, trying to find the night table. I' m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I' m buttoning my blouse. Now I' m putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I' ve found my glasses. I' m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I' m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I' m logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!