Many of you may have seen these convos before. These are obviously fake but very hilarious. If you need a good laugh come read a few of them-
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Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don' t tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I' ve got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John' s in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John' s and make an
order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I' d like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, " Hello, this is Papa John' s, how may I help you" , then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that' s an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you' re bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I' m home alone... and I think I' ll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I' ll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I' m almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can' t hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I' m on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you' re at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can' t hear me cause you' re in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I' m as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I' m all wet and cold. Warm me
up baby
Bloodninja:So you' re still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I' m wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn' t really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I' m outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can' t see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don' t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don' t **** with me biznitch, I' m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don' t ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik' s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it' s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don' t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i' m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don' t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it' s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don' t play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn' t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I' m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:...
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I' m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
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Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I' m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I' m 6' 3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I' m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We' re in my bedroom.There' s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I' m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I' m gulping, I' m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I' m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I' m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I' m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I' m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I' m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I' m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I' m sorry.
Sweetheart: That' s OK, it wasn' t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I' ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don' t worry about it.I' m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I' m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it' s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I' m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I' m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I' m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I' m dropping the bra. Now I' m licking your, you know, breasts. They' re neat!
Sweetheart: I' m running my fingers through your hair. Now I' m nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I' m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I' m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I' m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I' m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I' m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I' m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I' m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What' s the matter?
Wellhung: I' ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I' m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I' m having a coughing fit. I' m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I' m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I' m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I' m drinking a cup of water. There, that' s better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I' m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I' m on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I' m drying the cup. Now I' m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I' m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it' s dark, I' m lost. Where' s the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I' m tuggin' off your pants. I' m moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don' t you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can' t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I' m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I' m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it' s dark. I' m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I' m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I' m done going. I' m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can' t find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What' s the matter now?
Wellhung: I' ve realized that I' ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I' m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I' m going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman' s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I' m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I' m having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I' m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can' t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I' m flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I' m limp. I can' t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I' m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I' m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I' m going to get my glasses and see what' s wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I' m getting dressed. I' m putting on my underwear. Now I' m putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I' m squinting, trying to find the night table. I' m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I' m buttoning my blouse. Now I' m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I' ve found my glasses. I' m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I' m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I' m logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
< Message edited by Mass X -- 5/27/2004 5:58:08 PM >