My Testament

As my hope gets weaker and weaker,
The day draws ever so closer and quicker.
And death calls me deeper in it' s lair,
My hope weakened in unexception from others.

They all compare me and wish me to be someone else,
Someone else i can' t be even if i try to be.
So my creator summons me back to remold and re-personalise me back,
Back to a new shape and form in a new wolrd and family.

A family whch will accept me for who i am,
As the days and nights passes by the sights comes and goes.
Visions flashes back to me in dreams,
Vision of things yet to be finished and still to be started;
But i have to finish before my time is up and i am allowed to leave this life!!!!

by R.V.Q.L.S.

mmumbel i think im gonna cry.....

If your depressed make a change. You can make whatever you want of your life, you have the ability to do this, whether or not you are currently in control.

i wrote a bunch of those poems in my manic depressive state in my earlier years of my existance..............that was the time when i had life , now i mearly exist!!! the thing is with life no matter how much change you try, she jus throws something more at you to get you down.....................the best solution i hav to gain control is to be alone, to totally be consumed by the darkness and embrace the solitude of one' s self without anybody else around...............close your heart to everything and everyone..........and then control is yours!!!

I don' t know if that is the healthiest way to deal with it, but I guess each person' s mental illnesses are different and you do what you got to do. I know this isn' t a support forum, but if you do need to talk send me a PM

i know that it wasn' t the healthiest way for me to deal with my problems at the time but i guess it helped me in a way ............ because i came to love writing and i got to look deeper within myself to see what' s there and how to deal with it as well as know my limitations and my conflictions

facing my inner demons gave me a chance to change my life and way of thinking......though i havn' t conquored him yet ...........jus surpressed him and try in to keep him under control can' t get rid of him though.............cause he' s still apart of me, a part i still need dispite of wat darkness he brings!!

I think your missing something, and its not companionship.

Spacepiston is right. You have control over how you want to change your life. Nobody should be an obstacle in your path. Take my share for example. If my parents force me to get a job, I would deny it and go my own way. No one can stop me. That doesn' t mean I' m a disobedient son, I love my parents, but you are in control of your life. If a job' s too much stress for you, don' t get it. One earthly life to live. Just like Rousseau (or was it Voltaire?), man is born free but everywhere he is in chains. Your are born free, under no one' s authority. You obey no one at birth, and you don' t have to later on. Whatever the depression, perseverance is the way to go.

People seem to have misconceptions about mental illness (if that is truely the case)
There is actually no control. The only control one has is whether they choose to seek help or not but most often are govened by the whim of their disorder.
In such cases it isn' t a matter of will power, something mearly to overcome because it isn' t. Most problems have both biological and psychological components and both need to be addressed.
Telling someone to just get over it and what not doesn' t help because in many cases the person tries, can' t, and then gets even worst because of the frustration or the sense of uselessness.
If there is a deep problem then one should seek help because it is extremely difficult to fix it on your own (if at all possible).

RavenShadow makes an excellent point. Being someone who has suffered from depression all my life I can say for sure that it' s not something you just get over.

Believe me I' ve tried SOOO many coping mechanisms but when my depression is at its worst, nothing helps. And its never caused by a known reason, alot of times it actually feels like some sort of chemical imbalance is occurring. One minute I' ll be totally ecstatic about winning 7 trillion dollars from the Lotto and in just an instant that happy feeling can disappear, leaving me a totally depressed 7 trillion dollar lotto winner.

ORIGINAL: Terry Bogard
One minute I' ll be totally ecstatic about winning 7 trillion dollars from the Lotto and in just an instant that happy feeling can disappear, leaving me a totally depressed 7 trillion dollar lotto winner.

You won 7 trillion dollars! Cool!

Oh, and sorry to hear you feel down sometimes... fwiw you never seemed down to me! I take it you are convinced this is not the same as just everyday mood swings that we all have! (How does one know the difference?)

You won 7 trillion dollars! Cool!

Oh, and sorry to hear you feel down sometimes... fwiw you never seemed down to me! I take it you are convinced this is not the same as just everyday mood swings that we all have! (How does one know the difference?)

I don' t know if they can be considered one and the same but my two biggest problems have always been depression and social anxiety disorder. Me and large crowds just don' t mix, I go into a small panic. You' ll never catch me in a crowded restaurant environment lol.. The only places I feel comfortable in regardless of crowds are video arcades.. E3 is like an enormous video arcade to me so I' m ok while on the show floors, lol.

Fortunately for me I' m not the type that' s depressed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year but I do get hit with it alot at random moments. I' ve always suspected that I was bipolar because I experience a lot of incredible highs and down in the gutter lows.

Most of time when feeling low I try to hide it from people, that way they' re not dealing with a total drag, LOL...

A friend of mine was depressed a lot as well but she always had specific reasons. She suffered from the whole " Life sucks and I have so many bills" syndrome and a lot of times I just couldn' t stand dealing with her because her fabricated depression would just bring me down further, lol..

Early last year I finally tried Paxil for the first time because I had almost ALL of the symptoms that the TV ad for Paxil advertised but it didn' t work out and all it did was make things worst. There were some bizarre side effects, both funny and kinda scary. As a result of the side effects I became an angry person while on the pills. It was almost like the personality change Clark Kent (Smallville) goes through when he' s exposed to red kryptonite, lol. So I got off of those suckers QUICK!


Another strange side effect I heard someone else experienced while on Paxil was that he became distant and lost interest in a lot of things. I was like " Isn' t Paxil supposed to help you overcome those problems, NOT accelerate them???"

The only places I feel comfortable in regardless of crowds are video arcades.. E3 is like an enormous video arcade to me so I' m ok while on the show floors, lol.

You just say that so Adam will keep letting you go to E3! :)

You need to try different meds. Try the one where its commercial consists of a sad, lonely li' l blob. But after he takes the pill, he becomes a happy li' l blob perfectly willing to be around others and smile.

I have been depressed myself from time to time. It never really takes over my life, but it' s just a general " blah" feeling at almost all times. Then it goes away and stays away for awhile. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that all is well and you' re doing fine, so I just play Space Harrier up until Stage 2 where it says " You' re doin' great!!!!" and suddenly I feel fine, thankful for Mr. Sega' s kind words of personal encouragement.

You just say that so Adam will keep letting you go to E3! :)

dUde u saw right thru me on ' dat' one ;)

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that all is well and you' re doing fine, so I just play Space Harrier up until Stage 2 where it says " You' re doin' great!!!!" and suddenly I feel fine, thankful for Mr. Sega' s kind words of personal encouragement.

LOLOLMAO!!!! I damn near choked on my drink!

I' ve been in and out of deep depressions for 3 years now. It really f*cking sucks. At points I been out of touch with reality and stuck in daydreams. The worst came during my Junior year. I really lost it over some girl, strangely it was a girl I hardly knew. I guess it was just the way my depression chose to materialize itself.

Because I couldn' t have this one girl I felt completely alone. I' m turning 19 in a month and still haven' t had a girlfriend. Hell, I have yet to kiss a girl and I' ll admit to it. I suck at socializing with girls. that just made the depession worse. Luckinly after going through several weeks of torture " Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park started playing on MTV and the radio. It played a huge factor in pulling me out of my dark little hole.

At the start of my senior year I ended up finding out the girl I liked (who had graduated the year before) had a younger sister who I found to be incredibly atractive in both looks and personality. I sucked at talking to girls though so it took me the entire year year to build up the guts to finally ask her out.

We ended up going to the prom together and she seriously f*cked me over by ending up with one of my good friends. First date I had ever gone on and I lost two people that were really close to me (girl and ood friend). Tore apart my whole year. Not to mention I broke my arm in a track race which nearly ruined my season. there was so much sh*t that happened it was rediculous.

Luckily Linkin Park was right. I just needed to find somewhere I belong. I found Fort Lauderdale and college. Best thing that' s ever happened to me. Sh*tty stuff still happens all the time but good comes with the bad, and the other way around. It' s just something I' ve come to except. Here in Fort Lauderdale I feel free for the first time in my life. I broke away from myself. I now talk to girls a lot more. I' m making tons of friends, I' m enjoying school. I' m loving life. it' s really great.

Still don' t have a girlfriend and to be honest I don' t give a crap. If I get one I get one, if not I could car less. Life can do what it wants, I' m just here for the ride.

You know this is a fascinating topic.

I find women and depression can go hand in hand... I think depression manifests istelf because of fear of rejection and/or the feeling of rejection associated with asking a woman out.

Its easy to mistaken depression for a feeling of rejection. I mean, women have a strong motivating power over men. A man will feel strongly motivated to do alot for a woman, usually because of a fear of rejection. If rejection is ultimately the outcome of a courting attempt it can be very hard on a person.

I have recently been crapped on quite a bit by women. The woman I was dating for almost 10 years decided to betray me in every way, despite professing her love, and how perfect I supposively was for her. Well...it wasnt the first time she screwed me over which is why were werent married after 10 years. But a part of me wanted to make it work, and after everything fell apart I felt, I feel, a strong sense of rejection. If I dwell on this feeling it can be depressing. So I try to stay busy and focus on what has happened, but on what the future possibilities are.

Now on the other hand, I find myself back in the dating game after almost 10 years. Dont get me wrong im only 25 but I got roped into this relationship early in life! Anyway...now the fear of rejection is very acute, and asking girls out is very difficult because the last thing I want is to relive any of the same feelings that I felt when my ex-fiance dumped on me. So..what happens is I dwell on the fact that im 25, single, with no women in my life. This can be a very depressing thing.

To ward off a feeling of despair I force myself to move on in my life. Thus exposing myself to the same dangers that I fear most. Already I have been somewhat rejected by a girl I was very interested. Though the chance remains I might be able to make something happen, I cant help but feel very very unpleasant because of whats happened to me previously.

The point is, life throws you punches. Alot of times the situation seems hopeless but you have to be proactive about changing the things that depress you, despite the fears that your choices in life will only lead to a more depressing state.

Its not easy. I know.

Fortunately for me, i was able to overcome my depression. It had more to do with stress over highschool grades rather than my personal life. I started smoking, and it made my life even worse, despite the feeling of comfort i get from the cigs. I had a lot of companions who were there whenever i needed them, but i kept it to myself, and this only enhanced my pitiful state of being. If you' re depressed, talk to someone. GEt HELP at home and professionally.

Writing poetry and sharing it seems to work too, and playing online games as well. But my advice is to take a break, which wouldnt be a problem with xmas holidays coming up. Go somewhere with lots of parties where you can socialise and have fun. Or if your like me, go somewhere quiet with a few friends and revitalise your friendships. ( i punch my friends hard in the arms to cool off. they really dont mind )

I dont have a girlfriend either, and im not looking for one because at this point in my life college and imminent work are the most important things going on in my life. Having a relationship right now would bring mygrades down indefinitely, not to mention the stress ill get. Dont get me wrong, i want a partner, but not right now.

So domas, get out and smell the fresh air, and talk to us peeps on these forums. Piston' s right, you have to be proactive, and not pull yourself down over the s*** that life brings. Things will turn out well in the long run as long as you dont give up hope

I find women and depression can go hand in hand

Women are in fact at higher risk to develop depression than men because they often ruminate (think about an event over and over in their mind) more than men.

For those who are interested, I am currently in an abnormal psychology class and here are what we discussed as diagnosable criteria.
You must have 5 of the following symptoms and must have lasted for longer than 2 weeks:
- sad, down feeling nearly everyday
- loss of pleasure in normal daily activities (anhedonia)
- insomnia - either can' t initiate sleep or just stay in bed all day
- poor appetite with weight loss OR increased appetite with weight gain
- great fatigue
- feelings of worthlessness and guilt
- difficulty concentrating and being indecisive
- recurrent thoughts of suicide

the ruminating or over thinking of events seem to be a potential psychogical or cognitive cause but a lot of research has focused on neurochemisry

I myself feel like I do meet some of these criteria (more at different times than others) along with criteria for social phobia (criteria not listed but I could if people wanted) but it isn' t severe to the point that it significantly impairs my normal function.
My depression USED to be bad but isn' t as much. I actually think my playing video games worked as somewhat of a coping mechanism because it got my mind off things.
Drug treatment does work in some cases like using selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, tricyclic antidepressants, and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (more prone to negative side effects)

I find all this stuff fascinating so I am somewhat rambling. This is a relatively good point to stop haha

Heh, well I must have had one hell of a depression. I had all of thos symptoms from the last quarter of my Junior year to the summer after my Senior year.