Please Help... I need some advice...

Okay... Well... I' ll just start off by saying it. There' s a rumor (and I heard from a very trustworthy person) that one of my best friends is pregnant, and no, I' m not the father. She was my ex-girlfriend, and since then, we' ve become best friends. We still do a lot of stuff together, but anyways.

This friend of mine told me (that my ex-gf told her) that she was 5 months pregnant! But believe me, she doesn' t look like it. I mean, it could be because she' s very tiny in the first place. She' s always been very short and somewhat skinny. But... Anyways.. My problem is, I' m kinda hurt at her for not telling me. I always thought we were best friends, and here she is, possibly pregnant, and not telling me. I think she' s given me a few clues recently though, but I just didn' t put them together. Like... for example, she' s had to go to the doctor a lot, but she has diabetes, so I didn' t know if it was for that. Also, she said that she was probably not gonna go back to college after this semester because she " wants some time off," and " my grades aren' t that great." Another clue is that she kept saying, " I' m getting fat, aren' t I?" And, of course, I always said " No" cause honestly, I didn' t think she was " getting fat."

In all honesty, I' m kinda torn apart... Cause I know if she has a baby (and she' s only 18), our friendship will change... We won' t do things together as much, and I might not see her... Plus, I' m worried about her... I don' t know if her BF proposed to her and if she' s getting married, or.. If she' s going at this alone. She' s talking about getting 2 jobs (again, I just thought she wanted extra money). I' m just so worried about her, and I' m so afraid she has ruined her life. She was planning to become a pediatrician with me, and us making a practice together, but now... That has probably been either permanently delayed, or she will pursue another career...

Well... I need your opinions, and I trust pretty much all of you. Why hasn' t she told me yet? Is she afraid I' ll be mad (cause I could be considered a " goody-2 shoes" ..heh)? Or... is this rumor not true? Should... I ask her? If so, how should I go about doing so?

Today, we are going bowling for the first time in a couple months... and... I don' t know if she is planning on using this opportunity to tell me about it.. and I honestly don' t know what I am gonna say... *sigh* Any advice?

[IMG]http://www.alltel.net/~matt114/eyerule.gif[/IMG]

Here' s what I would do:
Call her over, sit her down, look her straight in the eye and ask her if she needs to tell you something. if she says no, tell her (in a neutral tone) what her friend told you about her pregnancy. But be open to any answer, because I don' t 100% believe anything I' ve heard about someone until I get it straight from the horse' s mouth.

Then go from there

Gamertag: Atari81

Tell her she' s a hoe.

*ignores Nas*

Here' s what I would do:
Call her over, sit her down, look her straight in the eye and ask her if she needs to tell you something. if she says no, tell her (in a neutral tone) what her friend told you about her pregnancy. But be open to any answer, because I don' t 100% believe anything I' ve heard about someone until I get it straight from the horse' s mouth.

Then go from there

That sounds like a good idea, man. Thanks. Wait, did you just call my ex-gf a horse!? Heh.. Anyways... I' m just afraid I won' t talk in a neutral tone... Or something... I dunno. But thanks. That' s probably what I' m gonna do.

[IMG]http://www.alltel.net/~matt114/eyerule.gif[/IMG]

In all honesty, I' m kinda torn apart... Cause I know if she has a baby (and she' s only 18), our friendship will change... We won' t do things together as much, and I might not see her... Plus, I' m worried about her... I don' t know if her BF proposed to her and if she' s getting married, or.. If she' s going at this alone. She' s talking about getting 2 jobs (again, I just thought she wanted extra money). I' m just so worried about her, and I' m so afraid she has ruined her life. She was planning to become a pediatrician with me, and us making a practice together, but now... That has probably been either permanently delayed, or she will pursue another career...

What' s screwy is that I' m practically going through the same thing you are eyerule. Only she isn' t my ex, just a very close friend. And I' ve always been a supportive friend to all my friends. And I plan to support her also. But I have to be honest as well. Once the baby comes, the time we spend with each other is going to be severely shortened. I mean, how fun is it going to be to hang out with her - and the baby? It' s not. I won' t be fun sitting around watching her attend to this child 24/7. If it was my child it' d be different. I would at least want to help nursing the baby. But it' s not mine. And the last thing I want is to place myself into the situation of being a subsitute father.

So IMO, it' s not as if you two have to stop being friends. But you also have to realize there' s only so much *you* can do, and there' s only so much you *should* do. If her boyfriend has to work constantly, and barely has enough time to help her with the baby, are you going to help? I applaud you for stepping in and lending a hand. I would do the same thing. But the question becomes, how *far* would you go? Would you like to spend all your free time taking care of a child that' s not your responsibility? A child of a woman whom you' re not going to date? How much would *you* sacrifice for *their* problem? Taking care of a child is a big responsibility. Not something you can do once a week and then pretend it' s no longer there.

I know this post sounds extremely negative, but I' m just being honest. The free time my friend and I used to have will now be dedicated to the child. And any time we schedule to hang is going to have to include the baby. It' s like I said before, our connection with one another is going to be severely shortened. And it' s not a question of whether or not I' m going to help. I' m obviously going to do that. It' s a question of how *far* does that help go? Just how deeply should I be involved?

Not to sound cold, but I don' t think I should. I can help, but this really isn' t my problem. Really isn' t my child. Really isn' t my girlfriend. Really isn' t my responsibility. I can' t nor want to dedicate a load of my free time to helping with the baby.

I think you should ask yourself some of these same questions. Just how *far* are you willing to go? For all you know, you may not have to get involved at all. Wish I could say the same...

matt, I like lockes advice, nice advice locke.

Good luck matt with whatever you decide to do.

http://www.rpgelite.com

make her suffer...

nas is right, make her suffer by showing her a picture of a really ugly guy from online. I' ve got the perfect one I' ll embed in here...
*WARNING* The results from viewing this photograph will scar you for life! Do not view if you are pregnant or nursing!

Attached Image(s)

Gamertag: Atari81

ORIGINAL: Eman1080
matt, I like lockes advice, nice advice locke.

Did anyone else think that sounded eerily familiarly to Dr. Seuss?

ORIGINAL: yoshimitsu15

ORIGINAL: Eman1080
matt, I like lockes advice, nice advice locke.

Did anyone else think that sounded eerily familiarly to Dr. Seuss?

I don' t get it? heh

http://www.rpgelite.com

LMAO, dude I look way better than you, so stfu.

BTW You look like a retard. But since I happen to not be gay, and not be obsessed over you like you are with me I dont save your pictures in my hard drive, to print and hang all over my room and wack off at like you do, freak.

Well a major reason why I think that she probably didnt tell you is because she is probably embarrased/ashamed that she is in this situation. Im a married guy thats been through the whole pregnancy thing with my wife. Trust me when I say that having a baby is not an easy thing for a woman to come to grips with when its planned, and more so when its not.

If yall are that tight, than an honest heart to heart talk would actually be a relief to her. But always remember that her life is now forever changed, and you have to supress some of your feelings in light of her new situation. [cuz SHE WILL BE HIGHLY EMOTIONAL]

We were supposed to go bowling this past weekend, but she had to go to the hospital cause she had a " bug." [:' (]

She said, " We need to talk soon." And she either wants to meet sometime today or in the next few days... Wish me luck... And I want to thank everyone for all their advice - it really means a lot that you took the time to post.

I' ll let everyone know how it pans out.

[IMG]http://www.alltel.net/~matt114/eyerule.gif[/IMG]

it' s your kid homie

ORIGINAL: drew93084

it' s your kid homie

LOL Congrats eyerule

matt' s a soon-to-be daddy!

Gamertag: Atari81