Things game characters would never say

Tails: Sonic, please, just slow the fuck down. I can' t keep up.

Sonic: You pussy bitch, go cry to your momma.

***

Mario: So she' s not in this castle either? Well whoop-de-fucking-do!! That slut can rescue herself, I' m outta here.

***

Gordon Freeman: Welcome to our planet, friends. As a token of good faith, please accept this crowbar as a gift.

***

Sam Fisher: Hey guys, do you mind if I switch this light on? It' s kinda dark in here.

***

Bowser: Toad did not tell you the truth about your father. Mario, I am your father...

***

Kratos: Oh darn, I broke a nail. You brutes, this is why I can' t have nice things! *sobs*

Link: Why does every 10 year old call me Zelda? [:' (]

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Viva La Revolution! erm, I mean Viva La Wii!

Link: Why does every 10 year old call me Zelda?

brilliant

Galsia From Streets of rage:

MGS4 Snake:Well fuck the graphics - you wanna be some old fuckin grandpa? fuck man , be my guest ...<shoots himself>

Mgs4 starts witha trailerthen Snake sayns in the camera,hahahahaha owned i got your 60 $ then shoot himself.

Even if you break 2 legs from a crab it still runs!
What you gotta do is find its weak spot and do massive damage at it.

Master Cheif inserting Cortana for the first time: Oo...OOO...O GOD....O DEAR GOD YES! YES! YEs! FEEL ME UP MIGHTY BLUE BITCH!!!! Command me, I said command me! Ahhhhg ya...

---

Here' s somthing that actually happened to me while playing Oblivion:
My ' female' character enters a hotel and is greeted by a female Argorian with, " OoOMy look at those muscles mmmm." yes its true I was sexually harassed within a video game...

---

Kirby: " I swallow."

Cloud : Im so tired of tifa' s huge tittes, I wish Aeris could come back, atleast I was able to grab a natural hold around those things

Luigi: Fuck off Mario, everyone knows I' m the coolest.

Bowser:Who do I call if I have plumbing problems?

Solid Snake: I' m getting too old for this shit.

Link: Where' s my fucking pants?

Tommy Vercetti (GTA): That' s it, I' m moving.

Sonic: If Tails touches my ass one more time I' ll kick him in the balls.

Pacman: So my psychologist says my eating problem stems from a fear of being judged. Then I said shut up, and I ate him. Ha!

Covenant (Halo): All your base is mine!

Cloud and Sephiroth: We' re not flirting...despite our romantic-undertoned dialouge in Kingdom Hearts.

Leon/Squall: Rinoa' s dead...~yeeeeeess, I finally got away from that annoyi - (gets letter in the ending movie) AH FUCK!

Duke Nukem = Here' s your pie, Pig Cop. I just love your soft little nose!

Ayane = Thats it Kasumi, right there-- ahhhhhhhh!

Link = Eat shit and Die Zelda

Ayane: ' ' so instead of a hardcore battle to the finish kasumi....can we just go get our nails done and shit?' '

Kasumi:' ' Weird I was thinking the same thing...oh and something iv' e always wanted to do...trim that bush of yours ayane...we can get a lawn mower.' '

*hayate enters*

Hayate:' ' oi what do you think you' re doing ayane we need to get going on destrying doatec' '

Ayane:' ' Oh..have a day off hayate...you can' t be a prick all your life....and get some other bitch to do your boring work.' '

Kasumi:' ' Yeah ...what did your last slave die of ...and try reading up on what deoderant means...tut male ninja' s these days' '

Master Chief: I love my computer it' s always in the mood.

Ryu Hayabusa:Fine I WILL keep quite and be very stealthy.

Mario: Alright Guv' nor?

Gravemind: You know Chief, Arbiter, welcome I thought this dark, DARK room
would suit our sexual education needs perfectly.

<Arbiter struggles>

Master Chief: Hey, I' d rather not piss this thing off...

There are two rules to success:

1. Never tell all you know.

Shun Di
" Hello, my name is Shun Di, and I' m an alcoholic"

Samus Aran
" Fuck it, I' m going home"

Duke Nukem
" Wow, my new game was finally released"

Kirby
" Dude, i' m not putting that in my mouth"

Ryo Hazuki
" It' s hot out. I think i' ll leave my jacket home"

Guard in Splinter cell
" Dude, I can see the green lights. Come out of the corner"

AA for swallowers:

Kirby: Hello, Im Kirby, and I' m a swallower.

Room: HI KIRBY!

Pac-Man: Im Pac-Man, friends call me Packy. I too am a compulsive swallower.

Room: Hi PAC-MAN!

Luigi: Im Luigi, Loogy if yer an asshole...and I swallow...
Mario: O fer sho baby fer sho.

---

Mario: O jesus christ these shrooms taste like sh...woooooh this feeling is soo...oooo yaaaaah.

---

Sephiroth: IIIIt' s PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!

Goombella: Who is the Shadow Que...

Ah fuck it, how the hell am I supposed to seem surprised if I' ve got this damn bitch in my Tattle Log the whole time?

Lord Saddler: Alright, it' s time to kill Luis Serra with my d*ck is it?

Barrett: I PITY THE FOOL THAT DOESN' T KICK SEPHIROTH' S ASS!

Master Chief: Damn it, why couldn' t I have been in killzone?!

Ryu: This fighting thing is getting old, maybe i' ll settle down and have some kids.

Sonic: All people care about is my speed, nobody loves me for my mind.

Insert Female Dynasty warriors character: well well guys, ... if your all here and everything...

NiGHTS into Dreamcast

LOL at all those jokes about Master Chief getting it on with computers. Is there anything in the novels about if and how the Spartan soldiers do their loving? Must be hard with all those cybernetic implants...

***

Lara Croft: Okay, let' s get this over with. *holds up hands in the air and lets the camera get up close to her chest*

LC: *sigh* Are you done?

***

Pacman: Honestly, Officer, those pills are not what you think they are. I need them for my uhh condition...

Cop: We' ll let forensics decide that, sir. *sniffs* You, sir, in the passenger seat. May I take a look at the contents of that plastic bag?

Mario: Heyyy, those are some groovy colours on you shirt, man. What do ya say, you up for a moustache ride?

Cop: Step out of the car please.

Lan Di:
HEY RYO! CHARLIE IS OVER HERE!!

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Viva La Revolution! erm, I mean Viva La Wii!

LOL at all those jokes about Master Chief getting it on with computers. Is there anything in the novels about if and how the Spartan soldiers do their loving? Must be hard with all those cybernetic implants...

Actually now that I think about it I think they are a bunch of virgins. MC with a normal civilian would be like Super-Man and Louis Lane...ever seen Mall Rats, they explain it well.

---

Just about every video game character in existance: " I need to use the restroom."

Then again maybe they go while the pause screen is up as you do your own business.

---

GTA3 Character: " Hello." " I like oranges." " Omy what a lovly day." " fuck!" well actually I guess itd be surprising to get anything out of this mute bastard.

Must be hard with all those cybernetic implants...

it' s just an armour plus some genetoc modifications to their bodies - they don' y have any implants - and those books are really cool by the way :)

Guard in Splinter cell
" Dude, I can see the green lights. Come out of the corner"

LOL

Dasher your Doa story rocks :)

Mgs4 starts witha trailerthen Snake sayns in the camera,hahahahaha owned i got your 60 $ then shoot himself.

it could happen - after all PS3 itself is the biggest rip off of all time :)

Actually now that I think about it I think they are a bunch of virgins. MC with a normal civilian would be like Super-Man and Louis Lane...ever seen Mall Rats, they explain it well.

Mallrats kicks ass!

Chocolate covered pretzel?!

Master Chief: Sir permission to leave the station..

General: For what purpose Master Chief....?.... Chief?

<Knock on perplex glass window>

General: What in blazes is that spiky thing on your back???

MC: It fell out of a covenants pocket..

Cortana: Not a lot of time on the bomb chief...

General: BOMB??

MC: I always thought it looked more like a disco ball.. What does Cortana
know anyway Sir??

Cortana: Chief can you hear me?

General: She' s beginning to annoy me, getting Keyes killed and all..

Cortana: You' re not honestly putting the blame on me... I..

MC: I think she needs to go..

General: Arranged, now, give the covenant back their disco ball and when you
come back to the station, i' ve ordered the latest version of Norton Anti-Virus for
hard-hitting A.I...

Cortana: Chief what about you, me, a team? We do what we have to do,
the war, it' s not over...

MC: No, I think it' s just getting started....

Cortana: Not very wise repeating Halo 1 lines and actions and taking your helmet
off in space!!

<Chief gasps for breath>

General: I have snorkels if you' re interested...

There are two rules to success:

1. Never tell all you know.

ORIGINAL: ]GaNgStA[

Dasher your Doa story rocks :)

Thanks and by the way people I was talking about an actual hedge.

Anyway here' s my shenmue installation

*Ryo sings whilst making breakfast*

Ryo: ' ' People of the world...spice up your life.. *(forgets words)* every girl..spice up your life...' '
*Ine-san enters*
Ine-san:' ' morning ryo..up to anything today?...perhaps enquiring about a certain event that happend recently?' '

Ryo:' ' no, we' ve been through this' '

*Sits a biwilderd looking Ine-san down*

' ' Ryo: you see if there' s one thing iv' e learned from my father' s death is that you can' t cry over spilt milk especially if it smelt bad anyway....besides the bastard probably deserved it' ' .

Ine-san: ' ' But ryo I' m sure your dad wouldn' t mind if you ran off seeking revenge against my will or approval...' '

Ryo:' ' Ine-san honestly i' m fine with it to be honest im glad with the money he' s left I should be able to buy a new jacket..and you can get your boobs done...goodess knows you need it' '

Ine-san:' ' Well if you' re not going to kill that horse tail wearing bastard...I am....going to seek the aid of master chen' '

*Ine-san storms out*

*Continues singing*
Ryo:' ' go raaaaaooounnd.... hai see ya hold tight' '

.besides the bastard probably deserved it' ' .

ha.

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Viva La Revolution! erm, I mean Viva La Wii!

Lara Croft in the Lingerie store!

Miss Croft: " I' d like to look at a new bra"

Clerk: " Okay, Miss Croft, take a look at our special Video game heroines collection, its the only thing that comes in your size"

Miss Croft: " Oh my, now i like the new Alexis Sinclair Collection, she' s just my size"

Sonic: So I run, run run and run, and for what? I' m rewarded with a bunch
of furry animals and a fat guy to boot.

Knuckles: *Watches Porn* now I know what these fists were made for..

SuperSonic: So remind me why I fell in gold paint?

Hayabusa: HOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

Hayate: F*cking virgin...

There are two rules to success:

1. Never tell all you know.

Snake : Wish I didnt shoot that bitch, her ass would feel better warm




-

Ultimecia : So you have come my children to watch the diddelly festival of light?

-

Sephiroth: I forgot the tampongs for aeris

Duke Nukem: Oh my gawd! Don' t these jeans make me look FABULOUS?!!

Walter Sullivan: Here' s your coat back Paddington Bear.

Raiden: Snake, I love you.

Ryu: What' s that thing i do with my hands again?

Mario: Hello, my names' a Mario.
Mushrooms Anonymous: Hi Mario.
Mario: Since I joned' a Mushrooms Anonymous, I been' a off' a one ups for two' a long years. And I feel' a fine!
Mushrooms Anonymous: (Applause) You' re an inspiration to us all Mario! (Applause)

The Prince (from Katamari): So...many...colors, I think it' s time I laid off the star dust......wait, I CAN TALK?!

---

Mario: (insert anything other than: Hooh!, Haah!, Waah!, or Mama Mia!)

---

Waluigi & Yoshi: (insert anything but their names. This also applies to ALL THE POKEMON)

---

Kratos: Why do I fight? Is there a higher reason in the things I do? Am I truly making a diff-

MegaMan X: Hey! You leave the quasi-philisophical monologues to games that have been turned into partial questions about the purpose/futility of war!

Zero: Yeah! You stick to the beat-' em-up genre of games!

Solid Snake: Yeah!

k, i think its time someone lols to each other to keep this up, or else it' s just monologues
so haha, the duke nukem line was funny, remember those games when i was a kid, wonder what ever happened to the series

Any 3D game character: " Good god look at all that pop-up!!"

" I' m not agreeing to go on any mission until I' m gauranteed a solid 60 frames per second! Last time they had me going at 30 and less and it took me 2 to 3 times as long to complete the mission. 60 frames per second or I walk."

Terry Bogard - currently the most Unhelpful member of the Kikizo forums.