quote:

I know you dont believe in god agent . But i will pray that u test negative .


I appreciate the gesture, but somehow I don' t think that will do anything. Even if there was a god I don' t think he would change the kids father just for me. He would have to forge the test results too, it sounds really inconvienient for god. Besides why would he change his divine plans just because you prayed for something? Totall waste of time, thx anyways.

Who says he' d change anything?

I' m not going to pray for a specific outcome. I pray that whatever happens, you' ll find some small measure of happiness out of it. If that means you test negative, & go back to life as normal, fine. If that means you test positive, and find joy in raising a son, that' s fine too.

(stuffs inner-christian back in box)

I don' t know what to say, I' ve never been attached to anyone before. Relationships never last forever, infact nothing does. That' s why I don' t bother. Why swim against the current when you' ll drift out to sea anyways?

Ah, I have a hard time believing that. That' s like not bothering to play your 360 because you know it' s going to die eventually. You know your parents & grandparents are going to die before you, so why bother getting attached?

" No man is an island, entire of itself"

(Don' t worry, that' s John Donne, not the bible.)

My serious advice is to play some Geometry Wars Evolved. Best game ever made. It' s the only game that significantly reduces stress. That is once you really know how to play. I played last night, beat my personal best and I slept like a ***ing baby. 1.2 million! I' m going to play some more actually.

Really? I considered downloading it on a whim, but never did get around to it. Is it honestly that good? I can' t imagine finding it stress reducing unless it' s got a really slow difficulty curve. I personally prefer Marble-Blast Ultra. I find it therapeutic to be honest. I spend half of my time hopping around careening off of cliffs, & rarely bother with the actual objectives, but the downhill levels are a lot of fun to just kick back & screw around with.

It doesn' t help me calm down any, if anything I get a smidge more intense, but I' ve found that playing a good shooter cheers me up quite a bit. I can be pissed at terrorists, or Nazis or Soviets or zombies, and I always come out better off than they are. I' m still angry/sad/depressed, but it helps me channel it into something constructive instead of wallowing.

Quit drinking for one thing.

Huh. I haven' t ever known an Agent that didn' t drink (of course). Quitting would be the best thing for you, but it' s going to be odd not having the occasional wasted post on Kikizo. Ah well, some of the other resident boozers will have to pick up your slack.

Get my drivers liscense, find a way to make more money.

Do you live in an area with good mass transit? Buses & subways & all that? Living in " Motor City" , public transportation here' s a joke, but if I could grab a bus to work or classes instead of driving, I' d definitely do it.

The other option I had in mind was to join the Canadian Armed Forces (don' t laugh), salaries are decent there too and has a large demand for more people. I' ll probably do one of these two things regardless of if he' s mine or not.

I' ve got an acquaintance in the CAF, & he' s really happy with it (which is surprising, he' s not the military type). It certainly pays well.

I pray that whatever happens, you' ll find some small measure of happiness out of it.

It looks like praying makes you happy the same way that alcohol makes me happy. Escapism. Meditation is probably more effective than either these things but I don' t have the patience to meditate properly.

I' m not going to pray for a specific outcome.

Maybe you don' t but a lot of people do, some will even attribute their success to god.

That' s like not bothering to play your 360 because you know it' s going to die eventually. You know your parents & grandparents are going to die before you, so why bother getting attached?

The difference between a person and my 360 is that my 360 isn' t any trouble for me. Sure it' s a piece of junk where I have to press power three times to turn it on and I have to press the tray to open it, but that' s nothing. Besides I don' t get attached to my 360. When it dies I buy another one. I' m attached to gaming but that' s not going anywhere anytime soon. Furthermore, I' m in complete control over my relationship between myself and gaming. Gaming won' t die, I decide when I' m done with it, and when/where I want it.

As for my parents, I didn' t choose them. I didn' t design society where children need parents to survive. I didn' t have much choice but to have them, infact I needed them growing up. That' s really what I' m getting at here. I don' t want to have to need someone to survive, I don' t want to be grounded anywhere. I want the freedom to move, eat, sleep and *** where ever and whenever I please. Infact I was thinking of moving to another province in a few years. Maybe Vancouver or Calgary. If the kid is mine pfff, that plan goes out the ***ing window. I' ll be stuck here for a long time.

To be honest I' m not really attached to my family either. As long as they pass with their will in order and their life insurance is paid up, I can accept inevitability. I' m well aware of how short life is, it just feels long. Don' t get me wrong I enjoy their company in reasonable doses. But I don' t miss people, and I don' t get lonely. I' m very self aware, I understand myself perfectly. I' m one of those one in a million that would be able to live alone on a deserted island for the rest of my days. As long as I had the basics.

Geometry Wars is absolutely my favorite game, it' s the reason I still have my sanity since I got the phone call. At first you hit a wall, the game seems impossible. First of all forget about the demo, just buy the game. Secondly don' t worry about someone elses high score. Just play to beat your own best. Just play a bit every few days and eventually you learn how to play. It' s easy to learn but difficult to master. But it' s one of those games where practice really pays off. Just watch a few YouTube videos of people getting a high score and they look like gods until you do it yourself. It' s very gratifying. Iad Umboros had my high score beat for over a year and after finally surpassing him I' m now second on my friends list. I' m going after this guy named Red Dragon who has 2 million. Which is almost double my score. But the score adds up exponentially as you have more enemies on screen so the multiplier increases faster. So the guy a 500 million isn' t as far as he looks.

These two comments! They make me think the way you are living your life isnt really working out for you!

You don' t know me very well, I' m never happy. With me there is just unhappy and really miserable. Sometimes I' m lucky and feel indifferent

As for my parents, I didn' t choose them. I didn' t design society where children need parents to survive. I didn' t have much choice but to have them, infact I needed them growing up. That' s really what I' m getting at here. I don' t want to have to need someone to survive, I don' t want to be grounded anywhere. I want the freedom to move, eat, sleep and *** where ever and whenever I please. Infact I was thinking of moving to another province in a few years. Maybe Vancouver or Calgary. If the kid is mine pfff, that plan goes out the ***ing window. I' ll be stuck here for a long time.

To be honest I' m not really attached to my family either. As long as they pass with their will in order and their life insurance is paid up, I can accept inevitability. I' m well aware of how short life is, it just feels long. Don' t get me wrong I enjoy their company in reasonable doses. But I don' t miss people, and I don' t get lonely. I' m very self aware, I understand myself perfectly. I' m one of those one in a million that would be able to live alone on a deserted island for the rest of my days. As long as I had the basics.

I do understand some of what you mean. But if your so unhappy and misserable what makes you think continuing in the same way will actually change anything?

You get one chance of a life, if you spend it being miserable all the time, that would be sad.

I know you believe (as i do) that life on earth is a string of accidents and coincidents, that we have no higher purpose. I believe we have one purpose, to make ourselves happy and be the best we can be, whether you do it for yourself or someone else doesnt really matter. But dont turn out the lights with a single regret in your mind, because regret is the most useless emotion.

I agree with Vx. You can' t just live your life like this. And you may think that being alone doesn' t really affect you and that you could live without other people, but I don' t think you should think like this either. Being alone does affect someone, as much as we might not like it sometimes, we do need one another.

I disagree when you say happiness is the purpose of life. Survival is the purpose of life. Happiness is mearly one mechanism of survival, it works much like fear (although the motivations are completely different). I view happiness as the relief of pain. In order to avoid pain we must be more productive towards goals related to survival. Happiness is the reward for the rat race. The purpose is the race not the cheese. Life really is that simple.

Depression is when you feel inadequate in obtaining the cheese, true depression is when you stop wanting the cheese all together. That' s how I feel, most things that people want simply do not interest me. I' m only left with the comfort that none of this will last long anyways.

I' m not completely miserable, it' s not a severe emotion that cripples me. I' m just extremely bored with everything.

Maybe you' re lactose intolerant?

Happiness is mearly one mechanism of survival,

I believe that humans have advanced beyond the point that life is just about survival, i dont have to duck away from ravaging bands of slavers or what ever people had to do to survive in the dawn of time.

You create your own purpose in life, and to not have a purpose or a goal to simple drift is silly if you say your bored with everything.

You cant be bored with everything unless you' ve tried everything.

Iv tried being in your situation, no goal except the next brief relief through parties, drinks or gaming.

Dont wait till your dead to discover that there was something you needed or wanted in life.

I believe that humans have advanced beyond the point that life is just about survival, i dont have to duck away from ravaging bands of slavers or what ever people had to do to survive in the dawn of time.

I believe most people have to see it your way in order to have gotten this far. Humanity is supposed to be conditioned to have a different view on life than what I have. I' m sure happy people look at life through a subjective lens (wheather they know it or not), where as I look at objective reality before even considering myself. The fact remains everything relates to survival. Even if what we' re doing is counter productive everything we do is related to survival somehow. It' s the only reason we' re here. Which is a rather pointless enterprise considering the probability of death.

It' s like being in a cinema with a 3D movie playing and I' m the only one without the 3d glasses. It' s the mystery of the illusion that makes it worth anything. All I see are red and blue lines.

Maybe you' re lactose intolerant?

I' ll ask my Doctor.

I believe most people have to see it your way in order to have gotten this far. Humanity is supposed to be conditioned to have a different view on life than what I have. I' m sure happy people look at life through a subjective lens (wheather they know it or not), where as I look at objective reality before even considering myself. The fact remains everything relates to survival. Even if what we' re doing is counter productive everything we do is related to survival somehow. It' s the only reason we' re here. Which is a rather pointless enterprise considering the probability of death.

It' s like being in a cinema with a 3D movie playing and I' m the only one without the 3d glasses. It' s the mystery of the illusion that makes it worth anything. All I see are red and blue lines.

Your certainly right that there is no purpose with life except survival. Not in lifes true nature, its a brief glimpse and its all you get! You will be gone as if you never even existed.

You can spend life being miserable or you can pull your finger out of your ass and do something about it.

Everything in life is a choice, and if you choose to be miserable, unhappy og discontent there is no one else to blame when the sands of time run out for you.

You write as if you know the truth about everything, but from what you write you' re not even searching for the answers yet.

Some minds buckle at the realization of meaninglesnes, if you sit down with your hands in your lap when you realize there is no golden path and no treasure at the end of the rainbow, or what ever metaphore you want to use, that would be a sign that the mind cant handle the entropy of everything.

I dont take you for that kind of person. Bleakness only takes you so far, bare your ribs, let your emotions get the better of you, expose yourself to the dangers of life, and some of the joys will be there as well.

Keep yourself in a box, bitterness will take you eventually. There is nothing worse than a bitter old person.

Our species is fucked.

I read Fences and Windows a few years ago and it opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. We' re all born into servitude, just like the residents of The Matrix and our sole purpose is to keep the economy going.

Everything in life is a choice

That my friend, is debatable.

That my friend, is debatable.

The only choices you dont have, are where you got born and by who, and some choices are taken by your parents!

Your born, you get old, then you die.

Thats life right?

But at least we got to play Videogames, amirite?

The only choices you dont have, are where you got born and by who, and some choices are taken by your parents!

As a follower of causal determinism I will have to respectfully disagree with you completely.

We exist in a mathematical universe with a cause and effect for everything. If one could count all the atoms and electrons and be able to completely understand how this relates to consciousness you' d be able to predict choice. Having options does not mean you have a choice. We always choose what we see as the best option.

The cognitive engines in place that consider options are only able to look at things which are out of our control. Even development of the brain is based on things out of our control. It only feels like a choice because we can' t percieve all the variables. However sure enough as with all equations the variables are there and only add up to one single answer. All of history has been written aeons ago.


Human beings are an ecosystem of Biochemistry, Molecular Physics and blind chance, we don' t control any of it. We mearly represent the outcome.
We' re nothing more than numbers of the massive equation that is existance. And I suck at math...

As a follower of causal determinism I will have to respectfully disagree with you completely.

We exist in a mathematical universe with a cause and effect for everything. If one could count all the atoms and electrons and be able to completely understand how this relates to consciousness you' d be able to predict choice. Having options does not mean you have a choice. We always choose what we see as the best option.

The cognitive engines in place that consider options are only able to look at things which are out of our control. Even development of the brain is based on things out of our control. It only feels like a choice because we can' t percieve all the variables. However sure enough as with all equations the variables are there and only add up to one single answer. All of history has been written aeons ago.


Human beings are an ecosystem of Biochemistry, Molecular Physics and blind chance, we don' t control any of it. We mearly represent the outcome.
We' re nothing more than numbers of the massive equation that is existance. And I suck at math...

Whether or not you choose what is the best option for you isnt always a given, you have a choice about how well you do in school. whether you kill a man and take his wallet.

I agree if the universe and time is eternal, everything that has happened wil happen again, an infinete amount of times, but that doesnt take away choice and consqeuence!

But at least we got to play Videogames, amirite?

Yarly.

Whether or not you choose what is the best option for you isnt always a given

I was speaking subjectively, about consciousness and sub-consciousness. In other words we do what we think is best, or what nature dictates. Let me rephrase that better, we always do what is more compelling. Obviously we don' t always get the best results. My point is that everything we are is a result of our environment along with our DNA.

For me to be interested in anything enough to chase after it, it has to be more compelling than my belief that life is completely futile. The end result is the only thing that matters and I understand what that is.

But don' t let me bring you down. I' m pretty sure life would be more enjoyable without my frame of thought.

you have a choice about how well you do in school. whether you kill a man and take his wallet.

Then let me ask you this. Why do we make the choices we make? What is the difference between the guy who steals a wallet and the guy who doesn' t?

Based on our free will as human beings combined with our past experience and deductive reasoning.

A man who' s stolen 5 wallets has few qualms about stealing one more. A man who' s stolen none is not likely to start unless subjected to an extreme situation. The man who steals five we can assume did not have one of his own before he began stealing, making that an extreme situation. The man who stole none has one of his own, making him again, less likely to steal a wallet.

So what you' re saying is that we all make the same choices unless given different circumstances?

It' s impossible to have two people with the same life circumstances, so saying whether we would or wouldn' t is irrelevant. Two people are going to experience the same situation in different ways.

I' ll finish this later. I gotta go do that christmas thing.