hav you guys ever had a female friend that you' ve known most of your lives? you were both friends , very close friends to begin with and after a while, one day you opened your eyes and realised that you have more feelings towards her?
then when u do decide to tell her how you feel she hits you with this speech??:

" .........listen, i love you too much to harm our freidnship with a relationship like boyfriend and girlfreind / couples...........the love i have for you is more than that, boyfriends come and go but you' ll be here forever............!!!"

they always add something to that if they choose to but it all sounds like that anyway........why don' t they jus come out and say that they don' t want to be with you and get it over with rather than stringing you along like a love struck puppy?

I experienced two close friends that were in that very same situation.

So, as any good friend would do, I helped get them over their friends-to-couple syndrome and helped bring them together.

I was the best-man in the wedding...

After that, I almost never saw the guy again...she wouldn' t let him do anything with me...because I was a single guy with no intention on becoming attached.

As a result, I basically lost both friends...one to the clutches of the other, and the other ' cause she couldn' t see me for the man I was and/or am - decent and honest and loyal to my friends (meaning that I would never do anything to hurt them).

Life can su** sometimes.

On the bright side of that situation, and addressing your actual concerns, they are still married to this day...so something worked.

As for that speeech she gave you...maybe she doesn' t feel for you THAT way, or maybe she is afraid to ruin what she believes is a GOOD thing (being friends). For whatever reason, you shouldn' t push the subject yourself. Maybe you can have a mutually-respected friend intervene.

You definitely do not want to pressure her into something, because both of you may regret that for the rest of your lives.

Either way you go, you run the serious risk of getting hurt. But the rewards, if things work out, are awesome!

Good luck...

it' s not the fact that i am pusshin the subject with (her) but wat i' m tryin to convey is that almost every woman in one moment or another told someone that...........and to answer ur statement ................... do close friends engage in sexual activities?? well i think not it' s jus that at times i really get vexed at the whole speech when i hear it over and over again

i still talk to them all but to this point i still hold a level of contempt, if u wish to call it that, against them once in a while..........to this day i still talk to all of my ex' s .......heck i visit their kids and help them out from time to time ...............

in a nut shell i' m jus fustrated of hearing the same bull shit excuse over and over when they could jus come out and say no and stop saying they' re tryin to protect you !!!!

I' m a girl. I have both given that speech and received it (so guys do it too). Sometimes a friendship relationship goes too far into the relm of platonic, you begin to look at that person as an essential elemtnt of your life. Life without them would be bleak. BUt as far as romantic interest, that spark just isn' t there.

I had this talk with a friend of mine awhile back. Now we are very close (and he keeps trying to set me up with his friends). Yes, it is akward gettign through the " puppy love" phase, but if the friendship means anything to you, you will get through it. It isn' t easy for her either, knowing that you have different feelings for her. She begins to question everything she says and does, not wanting to give you the wrong impression. It is tough, but you either get through it or you move on.

I don' t know how many times I' ve gotten the " I only like you as a friend" line.

yes rikka i know that it' s her wishes and all about gettin too far into the depts of plotonic existance and i do value our friendship totally..............to this day we still talk both she and i and all of my ex' s...........

one thing you must understand Rikka, she was the one who crossed the line not me .......it was her who instigated the who encounter between us not me but spiritually i feel partially to blame because i was there for her every time she needed me and when she didn' t really..............i came like her knight and shining armor ............i held the line at being friends so it' s not a matter of puppy love................

as for guys using the same excuse..........well those guys hav issues i guess because on this island when a guy is approached by a girl and the spark isn' t there, he' s straight forward and tell her off the bat!!!

Just once that happend to me, i knew this girl named Daphne but i had thease feelings about her that i didnt even know that i had. i started noticing that i kept starring at her every time she talked or made a joke. i knew sense i was in grad 3 and we have been friends since. i debated for awhile if i should tell her the way i feel about her. but i never told her. but im glad i didnt tell her, i think things would of been different wieard unconfertable. i do not wish to geperdaise the love and bound betwwen two good friends.

Sometimes I think telling these friends is a bad thing. I' ve done so once to a mate only she didn' t feel the same way. I' m over it and we' re still close friends, me having long since found a girlfriend.

In your situation, I' d leave her to think for a while about what she' s really after.

its always what the girls want why is that?

Because it is rape if the guy get his way

Visit this site http://www.intellectualwhores.com/ don' t take it seriously but it help me relise what i wanted out of my female friend. I had my own inhibitions about telling her but when i did i found out she felt the same IMO it is workth the risk, this person who is only your friend could be your soulmate.

As the sole woman responding in this thread me thinks I shall keep my mouth shut I shall let you guys have your rants, and it is comforting to know that you guys have these thoughts too.

I' ve actually given that speech once but the circumstances were slightly different. When I visited a really good friend of mine Many years ago in Upstate New York
she later brought up the idea of umm ' crossing the line' , I loved her way too much as a friend to ever even entertain such an idea. She was pretty attractive to, but she had fallen deep into the friend zone with me.

rikka nailed it on the head, sometimes friendships gets to the that point where you can' t imagine something getting in its way.

I personally feel that no matter how close of a friend a person and I am to each other, if we ever cross that line then things will change. Somehow.

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well i guess u' r right terry ..........friends should not cross the line in order to protect the love they have as good friends..........but like i said before........she was the one who crossed the line and instigated the whole relationship advancement not me .......and then when everything was goin good ..............she gave me the universal speech

guess i made this post to be like a vent to guys who went through the same thing or similar......... but then again like rikka said............this is the room for guys to rant!!

It is a hard call to make. The risk of not telling your friend your true feelings towards them is a big risk. What if the feeling a deeper on both ends? Then what happpens when niether of you come out? You miss out what could be your ultimate companion, remaining silent for you whole lives.

IMO it is worth the risk, and it is no use hiding your true feelings. It will eat you up inside.

Back to reality:

Really, the people who give the " Our friendship is just too important" speech, are really just trying to say; " No I prefer the way things are right now, which is you as my f' ing lap-dog. Bad dog!" .

Seriously people, I friendships dont go that deep. If friendships were that deep then the two people would know that friends of the opposite sex is a fantasy, and ultimately one of the 2 people wishes it was more, which means someone is being hurt on a regular basis.

It is what it is. People get comfortable with the relationships they are in, and they dont want that to change. If some guy is always bending over backwards as " a friend" then why would the girl want to change that? Its like having a boyfriend without having to make any commitment. Its friends with benefits in the reverse. Unfortunately its no better either way. I find the whole idea disgusting. Thats just me though:)

i agree with you to the point where they both become soo comfortable in the position of their existance as friends with one always having more feelings for the other and the other being totally ignorant to the fact of that affection through the constant bendin over backwards...............and it' s really true in the sense that they fear commitment really cause your theory sticks............................if a friend would do more for you than an intimit companion, why cross the line of friendship and stop all that.
the reality is it' s the fault of the friend wishin it could be more than friendship, because it' s like constantly givin in to a spoilt child without showin restrain and sayin no when he / she asks for something.....and that' s were they take advantage of the love for them and in so create yet another heartless cold blooded demon to roam this rock when their heart is broken.............
the sad thing is though when it' s over, the one who took advantage in the first place ends up missing wat once was and in turn the green eye of jealouosy opens when they see wat could of been!!!!!!

It all depends on the people involved since everyone is different and so many factors can come into play.

A typical scenario are the childhood friendships. For example a man and a woman could have been good friends since they were little kids and grew up together as best friends.

One side of that coin could have the two being soo close that they could be each other' s ideal mate. The other side of that coin could have the two cringing at the very thought of ever having any kind of intimate relationship with each other. stuff like that happens a lot.

The myth that Men and Women CAN' T be friends without there being sexual tension is just that to me, a myth

myth indeed terry.........i don' t think there could be any evidence to support that statement " Men and Women can without any sexual tension" .........sooner or later one of them feels more for the other than they should it may not happen right a way but along the time of their friend ship it creeps in and permiates into something .................but eventually it comes out and the speech is given by the other because as fore mentioned if as friends they' r safe and comfortable y change and advance further ??
i think that the myth was started by those who were more or less afraid of committment or takin a chance to be happier than they r at present!!!